I realize it’s been a minute, like a couple months, and I don’t really have any specific reason or excuse why I haven’t posted anything other than this…I honestly just didn’t know what I wanted to say. I had no idea what I was trying to convey with this collection of writings, or manifesto if you will, and I truthfully wasn’t sure if they even mattered. Over the past few months I’ve intentionally reflected on what it is I want to be able to convey in the songs I write, the way I live and interact with people, and even these posts. What I constantly came back to was giving myself permission to feel and to let that out in some form or expression. This isn’t a post to say I’m depressed or unhappy in anyway. I love my life and everyone/everything in it, but I realized I wasn’t being honest with how I was feeling, or what I was experiencing within my day to day.
I can already hear some of you, who know me, laughing about that previous paragraph (shout out to all my other Enneagram Type 4’s) but I realized that I had never given myself permission to feel. What I mean by that is, I never allowed myself to just accept what was going on inside of my heart, head, and even my soul. For so long I just dismissed these thoughts and feelings when I should’ve been embracing them for what they were. They were and are what make me human.
Why does this matter?
I’m not sure if I even have an answer to this question. But what I do know for a fact is that I’m not the only one who feels and experiences what I’ve described above. Certainly not the only one. And if that’s the case, then maybe within the songs I write, the way I live my life and interact with people, and within things like these posts I can let people have permission to feel. I can’t give answers to circumstances…none of us can other than that specific person. I can, however, help show people that it’s okay to feel and embrace what’s going on inside their head, heart, and soul. Not from a place of shame, guilt, of weakness but recognition that we are made to feel and that that is what makes us human.
Going forward, I have no idea how frequent these will be, what content they will contain, or if they’ll even be worth reading. But I hope that I can begin to help others have permission to feel, and grow in their self awareness of who they are and how they’re made.